29.1.19

My Practice: Becoming A Badass Witch.

My practice into witchcraft and magick has been a long road. It hasn't been a straight road either, it's been one of the roads which has bumps, sharp corners and sudden drops when it's a single track. You know them. There's been many stops along the way, many closures and exits signs too. But who's journey is ever a simple one? I've always felt a connection with something. I've never known what this "something" was, but it was something. It was odd at first, but I remained curious about it. I have always felt a very strong connection to Scotland. Again, I didn't know why. I just did and always have. They are the basics at which my journey began. Grab a cuppa, my friends, because this post is a long one. I'm going to take you down the long road, so fasten up!
I don't remember my age, I can't remember what I was doing or why. But what I do remember, I was cleaning my room and I stumbled along this book about becoming a Wiccan. It was my Mum's, and she bought it because she's always been interested in that religion and way of living. I remember clinging onto this book and I kept it (which I still keep on my altar today) and that's the beginning of this long ass journey people. One simple book. It's a book I've never actually properly read, I pick it up and remember the start of my journey, it's something I'll just skim-read but I'll put it back down. But I had this weird feeling of hope, of clarity.

I can't describe this weird feeling, this "something" I've always felt. Now I know it was my inner power speaking to me, but if you've been through it. You know the feeling I'm talking about. Strange things I've always came to me and showed itself to me. I've always been interested in healing properties of herbs, crystals and astrology/moonology. I'm a firm believer in past lives, the paranormal and demonology. So for a few years, I kept it quiet. I would hear my name being spoken, smell things around me, a light touch of my arm or hand and have very vivid dreams. I would dream of being surrounded by fire and exploring nature. I believe this was my past life. I have dreamt of living in a modern house, I had my dog, Peter, with me and I was wearing my favourite coat. I could smell the pollen in the air and felt the heat of the sun on my cheeks, I remember entering my house to a man cleaning, I couldn't see his face because it was blank, he didn't have a face. I believe this was a snippet from my future. I would hear my name being shouted and I'd look around and be startled by how loud it was, but I'm alone or everyone is silent.

This has happened for years, longer then I can remember. But I've always brushed it off, came up with excuses in my head to why this was happening. "Oh, it's my new medication." "I've watched too many movies." "Must have been a breeze." "Must have been the wind." "Maybe someone else is called Kourtney too" "Must be in my head." and so on. Just brushing it off.
Fast forward to a few years ago, when I felt this fire but the difference in this time, the feeling, it never went away. This was around the time myself and my family went through something traumatic, I was so anxious and depressed. I didn't know anything, I didn't want to go anywhere and I didn't want to live. I've found these cross over a hell of a lot of times. When my mental health is at it's lowest, my inner self comes into action. Not to heal me, but to keep me going. To spark something deep within which keeps me going. I believe this is when the journey of the "old" me started dying off, the skin started to shed itself and it's been a hard few years. I slowly started to read more, more about healing herbs, crystal healing and chakras. I started reading about the moon phases and full moons, my star sign and their meanings and pinpointing it all together. I felt this calmness about it all, not like I was learning but as if I was reading it all over again.

August 2017 I found myself living on my own and my life was chaos. I was stressing about money, getting overtime at work and where the fuck I was going to live because I couldn't afford to live on my own. It was payday and I finished work, my workplace is opposite Waterstones. I waltz in and came out with my first deck of tarot cards, a book about reading them and a couple of books about "becoming a witch." That's when I decided to step into everything I was blocking out. The fire was too strong, I couldn't ignore it any longer. That is truly when my practice began and that was also when I decided to go vegetarian! After that I would read my own tarot cards and learn more about them, I'd do personal rituals working with herbs and essential oils I learnt from work and along the way, I started reading my horoscope in a new positive light. The universe had guided me along this path, it has taken me on the many ups and downs of life to gear me up for my own awakening. 

My awakening fully comes into play until that New Year, stepping into 2018 - which now looking back, I feel like the whole year was one long, tiring awakening. I turned around to my best friend Emma, tearful and depressed. "I can't do this anymore." I turned away from my practice. It wasn't bringing me what I would see on Instagram. I wasn't getting the answers she was and in her own practice and I was becoming tired. She took my hand and she gathered the ingredients to do a burning ritual, she spoke me through it and I wrote down all my worries, my insecurities and we burnt them with a white candle and cast the ashes to the wind. We finished it off with a year-long tarot spread, maybe because someone else was speaking to me but it answered the questions I had been crying about. This is a ritual I've kept between us two, the privacy brought me peace. The following week I packed a bag and left Cumbria, I went for a mini break to my sisters (who at the time was living in a small village in The Highlands, just outside of Inverness) I took the book "Witch: Unleashed. Untamed. Unapologetic." by Lisa Lister and everything just started to click into place.
Why I felt this attraction to this pathway. Why I felt this attraction with one country. Who I truly was. My purpose on this planet. Why I dabbled in witchcraft, magick, Wiccan and Pagan beliefs. Where I truly came from. What I wanted from life. I had my spiritual awakening during the few days at my sister's cottage. I sat on the beach and let the water wash over my feet. This brought me new strength to carry on. I touched nature, the leaves on trees, grass on my body. I felt connected to Mother Earth. I came back to Carlisle a new person. The fire had woken up, and it's stayed lite through the year of 2018.

But even in recent events, I keep finding new things about my practice and this "something". I've previously had friends tell me that I "mirror other peoples energies." that I pick up what people are feeling. Again, this is something I've always brushed off. But it's just another part of me. When I'm around this friend, I always feel calm and collected. When people tell me about their pain, I feel that pain. I know everyone can feel energy, you can always feel intense energy in a room after an argument or if two people aren't speaking. But I take that energy onto myself and reflect it as my own. It'd an odd thing that just starting to show itself to me. That is what I love about my practice, what I've come to love about it; I'm constantly learning things about myself. 

I do believe I have signs of being a clairvoyant, it would make sense of why I hear my name, feel these energies and my vivid imagination and dreams. I do believe I am connected to a past life of mine in Scotland, and that's why everything clicked. Because I was back on my land, my soil of where it originally began. Maybe that's why I'm so fascinated with the history behind it all because I've lived through it once before. Everything just makes sense. It's something that has helped me through my darkest days, my own practice is sacred to me. My witchcraft which makes me a badass witch.

I would love to know everyone's story! The why's and how's, your story. Link me to your blog posts and social media.

Kourtney x



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